Adieu
by Phiso
Summary: Regulus says goodbye to his older brother one last time.


Yes, I finally wrote this! Ever since I started writing this, whenever I wasn't on the computer I was itching to go back on and finish it. It took me two days, so I hope it's as good as I wanted it to be.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter doesn't belong to me...If it did, Sirius would be ALIVE for one...::mumbles incoherently::

:::

Sirius, I'm sorry...I don't know what I was thinking...

You were right.

I never thought I'd say that. But I am. Don't rub it in my face.

Over the years, we've fought terribly; you left our family with no pleasant memories or thoughts for me to keep of you; you would look at me as if I was the scum on your shoe, angry that I kept mom and dad happy while you just disappointed them.

And yet...I remember when we were kids, we would play like brothers; playful banter and silly games; keeping ourselves amused. You would protect me from the older kids who liked to hurt me, tease me for being so small. Even at home, when I declared my allegiance to the Dark Lord, you showed not only anger in your eyes but fear as well. Fear for your little brother.

I could tell you hated my decision. Despite the fact that I always took our parents' side, you never stopped trying to convince me otherwise, to join you and your friends and be happy rather than stay with our family and try to live up to impossible standards. But I never did.

See, you always had everything: grades, looks, popularity, attention. I was just your younger brother; a pest, if you will, no better than that Peter Pettigrew you hung out with. I was determined to own something you didn't, and I guess the only thing I could have was the pride of our parents. It was stupid, yes, but I never really had the courage to stand up to them anyway; you were the Gryffindor, brave and spirited, while I was the Slytherin, sly and ambitious. My ambitions were to be remembered by our family with honour, not scorn, like you.

I remember...I remember how, even at school, you would try to convince me to leave the Dark Lord...You'd pull me off to the side, asking me why I was doing this, why was I listening to the idiocy of our parents...You gave me a choice. You said I could either make them proud or make you proud, and in the end, whose love would come unconditional? But your pleas came to deaf ears...I couldn't see you; your very name was like a curse word in our family, which actually sometimes made it difficult to tell someone to stop acting like a child and be serious...

Despite the hatred that was shared between you and the family, you never stopped trying to protect me, big brother. You would go out of your way to make sure you were the only one allowed to tease me or bother me; you used to defend me when I did something wrong, often at a price to be paid by you; even when you insulted me, your words were never as harsh as the ones you sent mother's way. You simply believed that I had been brainwashed by our vile history, and I think you're right.

And now here I am, dying at the hands of the people you tried to protect me from. I've never been as brave as you; I couldn't even go through with the mission he gave me and as a price, I am to die. You were right: I have always been too soft, too quick to see the payoff and not slow enough to see how I would have to get there.

I'm sorry that it had to happen this way; I never meant to die like this, alone. I wish you were here; maybe I wouldn't be so scared, knowing that even in death, you'd be there to protect me. But you're not. You were smart enough to stay away. I hope you don't take the same road I did.

It's weird. I can imagine my funeral, and I don't see you there. It breaks my heart, even if it hasn't happened yet. Please go. Do my eulogy if you wish (I actually hope you will); you'd probably make it funny, smoothing over the sharp ends of my life with silly stories and making my life seem more noble than it really was.

But now it's your turn to not listen. I'm too far away from you now; you couldn't hear my screams if you tried. I wish I had listened to you, but it's too late for that now.

Please...Sirius...don't forget your little brother...he loved you...despite everything he did and said, he trusted you more than anyone else, loved you with all his heart...you were right, nothing good ever came from mom and dad except the craftsmanship on the stairs...you were the only one who stayed true to the family motto: _toujours purs,_ always pure...never change, and pray it isn't too late for me to redeem myself...

Good-bye...


End file.
